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Kailyn Lowry recently welcomed her fourth beautiful baby — but the upcoming season of Teen Mom 2 will travel back in time to before the baby was born…

Shockingly to a time when she was considering terminating her pregnancy.

Related: Taylor Swift ‘Very Excited’ To Have Kids With Joe Alwyn — ‘When The Timing Is Right’

Speaking to People, Lowry gave fans a preview of what’s to come on the MTV program. She shared: 

“The first half of the season, I had a really, really, really hard time with my pregnancy and just trying to keep it a secret. So I was struggling with that. … I just didn’t know if I was going to have this baby or terminate the pregnancy. I went to an abortion appointment. I definitely talked about that.”

Wow. So helpful to talk about this kind of decision so publicly! The reality star did have some fears about sharing such an intensely personal journey on television. She said: 

“I’m just nervous that people are going to be like, ‘Why would you ever admit that you did that on TV for everyone to see?’ Not everything is black and white, not everything is cut and dry. So I hope that people understand the thought process and the pain that I was going through.”

Expanding on some of those nerves, the momma of four told Us Weekly:

“I hope that [viewers] understand that it was never me trying to get on TV [by] admitting to thinking about abortion. It was more about trying to make a good decision after basically putting myself in the same situation I was in [when I got pregnant] at 16 years old. Like, now I’m 28 and I have to make pretty much the same decision.”

It’s unclear exactly how the situation is the same as it was when she first got pregnant, and that ambiguity won’t necessarily be cleared up during the season. The 28-year-old said the “circumstances surrounding” her pregnancy wouldn’t be fully explained on the show (though she told Us in February that her ex Chris Lopez “admitted to intentionally getting [her] pregnant”).

Hoping that the audience will be respectful of that boundary, she continued:

“[It] is going to be hard for people to understand. I just hope that people can empathize with maybe not knowing the full situation, but how incredibly hard it was for me to make the decision to go to an abortion appointment and then ultimately decide against it.”

Related: Chrissy Teigen Has Been Eating So Much Sour Candy During Pregnancy That Her Tongue Is Falling Off!

Lowry admitted to being “afraid of the backlash,” adding: 

“I hope that people understand that this was really an emotional time for me and I wanted to do what was right. … I just hope that I don’t get bashed for something that was very difficult for me.”

Lopez was present for Creed’s birth, contrary to the author’s previous declaration, but the former couple are not currently in contact. Still, Lowry is enjoying her crew of boys and seems to be in a good place. She concluded:

“I still wake up every day and I’m like, ‘Wow, I have kids.’ And then I think, ‘Wow, I have four kids!’ I don’t know how I got here, but it’s been fun and the kids, they are awesome. So it feels good.”

We’re happy for Kailyn — and looking forward to seeing more of her journey on the show!

[Image via FayesVision/WENN & Kailyn Lowry/Instagram]

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